hellos ppl!

havent posted in a while! xD

hm i guess uni is getting more demanding. have to do revision and all for the quizzes i had. for now the quizzes i needed to do are done... but more to come >< i guess a good thing is that so far i dont have any real big assignments. its just been assessments and stuff, the only 'big' thing i had to do was a lab report. i should have an econs essay coming along though. but apparently lest sem they only gave it out a week before the due date. no chance to procrastinate then i guess =/ hahahahaha xD

mm anyway life has been pretty good i guess. im getting things done, and so far not alot of stress yet. things seem to be going smoothly... i dont know =/ but yea. haha.

just started my job yesterday. working as a casual... so far only doing wed 1-6. i went in this tues as well for training, then yesterday was my first proper day. quite tiring >< by the end of it all i was just reminding myself to keep smiling haha. and my back was aching quite abit. but aiyah, first day. haha. brought bread home hehe. and for cell also. haha i was looking forward to cell yesterday man. or i guess its something to look forward to at the of the day. hehe =D
mm anyway im working at baker's delight now =)
currently still waiting for replies from a couple other places. myer, woolworths, kmart, cotton on... i reckon the baker's delight job is just something to tide me over... i hope. haha. i dont know. like i think its a good first job for me. trains me up fast in customer service and all. makes me learn fast luh. but i dont know leh. i was actually invited for a walk in interview at typo today... but the place that i was gonna get interviewed at was abit far from my house. told my friends and they were like im going to regret it. so i din go haha. im just going to wait i guess =)

anyway, i feel like i can be quite impatient at times. like there are some things that i just wish would go faster. i guess a relationship is one of them haha. but its just not happening. i have to wait luh =/ hm maybe its the feeling that u really want something to happen. but nothing is. and u dont really know what to do. i think there are certain situations in my life that i just wish would change. but nothing is happening. and im not sure if i should be doing something. but even if i want to do something, i dont know what to do. its perplexing. i should do something about it. but its as if the situation is not really something that i can change on my own. =/

i guess thats another one of my issues right now. the feeling of not really knowing who is with you in what you want to do. the feeling that you are standing by yourself. yet i know that i am not. its just that im not really sure who is. like sometimes i look around myself in church. and im not sure if what i am feeling, what i am thinking, what i want to do resonates with anyone else. i guess people are all looking very passive. and i cant stand it. actually, i wonder if i appear passive to the people around me. but... i dont know. i think i must have been in yr11-12. but now... im trying to do stuff. but i dont really know if im doing the right things. because i know that some things that i want to do, the things that i have in mind dont really sound good to my dad. and i know that the things that i am following, the things that are important to me, will inevitably clash with the things that my dad thinks i should be doing. like lets say going for exchange overseas... it takes up time. and im not sure that i should let go of the things that im doing here and go overseas for like a couple of months for exchange. i dont know whether or not i can. =/
hm i guess what im referring to here is ministry la. mostly referring to kinetics. at the same time, i dont really feel like i belong in kinetics yet. as in, im in already, but not quite. like there seems to be blockages. which i dont really know how to put into words. ><

words fail me so often. =/
haha.

just another thought haha. not for the first time this year, ive realised that sometimes people aren't all they make out to be. sigh. and that sometimes, im just so blinded by outer appearances that i dont look into whats going on inside. =S was reminded again today. i guess im still too innocent, and in a way, naive, in my judgement of people. >< i thought my judgement was better than that. =/ but yea, at least i've been made aware of some going-ons before i sink too deep in my flawed judgement. one thing i do know is that i can be very selective in what i hear, and that in turn affects what i know. i need to wake up my judgement... and have a more critical eye.
gentle as a dove, sly as a snake...
=S

hm anyway still have uni tmr! and i have 2 lectures to catch up on xD
catch yall later! =)

=D

saw a rainbow this morning as i was walking to the business school hehe. indeed God's promises are true! =)

ohoh and when i was walking home, i saw a pair of parent ducks and their ducklings =D sooo awesome heh. they were lined up and all hehe. so cute! but more than that, it reminded me that spring is coming. woohoo! =D
a new season is coming, new life and new beginnings.
not yet, but soon to come! =D

God is good! =)

heyy everyone.

its getting late so this will just be a short post.

spent the whole night doing job applications. except they're not done because i dont have referees >< sigh. abit depressing. i guess doing them just makes me feel really inadequate luh. =/
getting referees wont really be that hard though. i guess i'll just ask my youth pastor and the children's church coordinator to be my referees haha. since im 'working' under them xD

only have one lecture tmr... but there's prayer meet and stuff after that. so yea. then lunch i guess, might stay in school to do stuff... i dont know. have my stats tute hw to work through =/

hm there was supposed to be a meeting for the conference we're doing for the youth tonight. but then i got cancelled. and i didnt know about it. so i went to the person's house >< really awkward haha =/ but um yea. thats why i spent the night looking up jobs and doing applications lol.

mm anyway this morning it was really beautiful. like i was on the train going to school, and was looking over the river towards where the buildings are. and its like the sky near/below the sun was a pale yellow-ish colour. almost golden maybe? it was really pretty =D praise God hehe =D

mm really need to remind myself to praise God everyday. and to stop over-thinking things >< i just end up making things more complicated than they really are. rawr.
=S

nights ppl! =)

heyy ppl! =)

ahhh so much going through my mind. doesnt mean much stays inside though xD i found im prone to forget what i was going to do lol. like i'll head somewhere, then i'll be like "uhhh... what was i going to do?' =/ short term memory =S or maybe i should say selective memory instead haha.

lalalala mm anyway coming to the end of the second week of uni. been starting at 9am everyday for the past four days. monday was horrible i guess. but yea i think im getting into the hang of it la. slowly getting into a routine haha. but im still sleeping pretty late =/ needs to adjust my body clock and stop stalling for time lol. mm i think starting at the same time everyday helps la. builds consistency xD its abit tiring though. like i can be alert-ish for my first lecture, but then for the later lectures i tend to be more tired =S ah well. but i guess in general its not bad la. i dont have super long days or anything. except for this tuesday, where i had a 9-5 day. but its a one-off thing, so its still ok i guess xD

oh and today i found out that the tutor i have for macroecons is the same guy that i had as tutor for microecons in first sem. lol. wonder if he remembers me though haha.

anyways yea. slowly getting back into the swing of things in uni. i guess theres still things that i struggle with la, but overall its good. =)

hm the other day i was going home from uni, and like the friends that i happened to see going home as well were in pairs. so basically i met two couples that i knew on the way home. and i guess it kinda got me thinking. not that i havent been thinking about this topic before. but seeing them kinda made the feelings i had abit stronger i guess. i think somewhere near the beginning of the year i was thinking to myself that it was about time for me to be getting a bf. like i kinda 'need' one? in the sense that i realised its not good for me to be alone for too long. in fact, i dont really think its good for people to be alone for too long. i dont mind being alone, but i guess it kinda comes to a point where you still dont mind it, but it would be alot better if there were that 'other half'. and yea. seeing couples accentuates that feeling of being left out, and 'alone-ness'. its not loneliness i think. its just that acute awareness of being single and alone. which isnt exactly a bad thing i would say.
hahahahahaha am i contradicting myself?
i guess what im trying to say is that its not a bad thing to be alone. i like it when its quiet and i can be by myself. but i also wouldnt mind having someone to share that peace with me. =)

another thing that has been on my mind is the question of what kind of guy would suit me most? and i think today i got the answer. i reckon im a pretty strong girl. strong as in mentally strong. not as in stubborn xD so i tend to try sorting things out first before i might bring them to someone else's attention.    and i stand well by myself i guess. and i guess given that, i need a guy who can deal with that. not exactly someone like me i think. but more of a guy who can counter me, provide the other side of the balance. i dont mean a mentally weak guy. i wont be able to deal with that. but i guess its more of someone who is equally strong, and would supplement my weaknesses. haha that doesnt say much does it. i guess its a really abstract concept, even just thinking about the guy who would suit you best. aiyah. all in God's timing luh. :')

i guess sometimes im just like, aiyah, someone ask me out alr. but thinking about it, im kinda glad no one has yet. hahahaha but then again, something that crossed my mind was "why on earth am i still single?" hahahahaha xD i mean looking at myself, i kinda dont see any reason why i shouldnt be attached. but well, i cant determine the course of events luh. and i have to admit that i do get impatient sometimes. so maybe its better that i should wait for it. haha.

a very difficult and convoluted thing to talk/think about.
but you do wish sometimes that the person you've set your eyes on would like you back and ask you out. =/
i guess love really is a waiting game luh.
but maybe i should be braver and more open with my feelings. =S
but i wouldnt know what exactly i should do would i?

aiyah ok. kinda just going around in circles, not really getting anywhere =/
need to go sleep too.
night ppl!
ohoh and HAPPY NATIONAL DAY SINGAPORE! =)

dont really know where to start. have been musing over quite a few things over the past few days.