hey ppl
been trying to find myself these few days.
alot of uncertainty and all. with all the decisions i need to make, and the transition im making...
kinda isolating myself right now. like making a distance between me and my friends. or maybe 'friends'. i dont know. but theres just the feeling i dont really want to be around many people right now. just abit sian diao alr. dont feel like asking for their company.
i dont know if its just me. but i feel like i cant be bothered anymore. its like they dont really know me.
rawr. i guess i want friends who see what i see, think in a way similar way to me. people who are similar to me. i guess in ny we were all pretty much thinkers. we were all similar. mm...
dont really know whats going on right now. like i said, i dont really know myself now. a little confused i guess. but thinking too much doesnt seem to help. instead, the more i think about it, the more i wrap myself in it. i drag myself deeper and deeper inside.
who am i? i guess isolation is really neccessary. but its abit annoying too i guess. exams are over, its time to play. yet i find myself holing up at home. im extremely tempted to go out by myself. but i must admit im a little scared/intimidated in a way. is that much independance good? i dont know. but anyway...
its kinda weird i guess. the desire to isolate myself, to be alone, but at the same time wanting company. the irony. =.=
ah well. i either get used to it, or die doing so =P
but i think one thing that is clear for me is that i dont want to go back to the past. it'd be great if i can have someone to talk all this out with me. but right now, im gonna keep it all inside. theres no one i can really talk to at this point in time.
i'll survive. after all, ive hidden so much inside for so long now. =/
but yea. if God is for me, who can be against me?
"my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
=)
~Even when darkness surrounds, I will trust in YOU~
lalalala~
went swimming again today xD pretty cold... but ok la. as long as i kept swimming, i din really feel the cold xD but anyway... part of my 'plan' to get back into shape! (there is no plan really xD) anyway, ive been swimming like every other day since i finished my exams on wed... xD
anyway, havent been up to much since exams ended. watched a movie on sat and went to a friend's house to play, but thats pretty much all ive done. zz. oh well. wanted to go out today, nobody can make it... bleargh. this is what u call bad timing i guess. -.-
anyways... its pretty boring staying at home the whole day. for now still got things to do la (online... -.-) but i really wanna go out and play. and do stuff. instead of hanging at home. sianz.
sometimes i really hate planning stuff. cos u spend time thinking about it and making some plans, then ppl say they cannot make it. zzz. was really annoyed this afternoon.... meh. but i guess boys will be boys? aiyah its so hard trying to get them to come out with me. sianz. but then again, people will always have plans one luh. depends whether or not my plans fit in with their plans... =/
anyway, thats a main reason why i hate planning an outing. cos there will always be ppl who cant make it. its annoying luh. meh.
dont know why im so bothered... but anyways... saw this on my friends fb. quite true luh xD
JULY BABY
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to
be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily
consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's
feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Easily hurt. Witty and sparkly.
spazzy at times.
Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive
and forms impressions carefully. Caring and
loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of
sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people
through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties
in studying. Loves to be with friends . Always broods
about the past and the old friends. Waits for
friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive
unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt
but takes long to recover.
lalala~
finished watching city hunter today.... man the ending is so anticlimatic. doesnt give a full ending to the drama. -.- oh well. finished that... will prob start another drama? not sure luh xD
anyway, thats all for now... cya guys! =)
~Even when darkness surrounds, I will trust in YOU~
my hundredth post! xD
exams just finished yesterday... chem. was quite easy luh, but i guess thats why im so worried... cos i think i made stupid mistakes and stuff. sigh. but anyway, exams are over! whee~ no need to worry about academic stuffs till next yr. =)
havent really been able to sleep properly these few days for some reason. -.- like yesterday i think i went to bed round 1. then was up thinking and stuff... couldnt spleep till i put on some music and took my mind off things. then i woke up round 5... the sun was out alr o.O but anyway... i turned off my phone and went back to sleep... din wake up till 9 xD
dont know why theres so much on my mind. rawr. its like once exams are over, i have more time to think. -.- hm...
but sometimes its like no matter how busy u are, there are some things that never leave ur mind. like ur constantly thinking about it, constantly turning it over in ur mind. dont know if its a good or bad thing. sigh. can be a major distraction. =/
mm anyway, i guess exams went pretty alright. i have to say i wasnt stressing or anything in particular. it just felt like 生活中其中一个插曲。like its not part of the main tune, but it contributes to the beauty of the entire song. i guess in some way, ive become kinda nonchalant about exams and all. i dont see the point of it and everything, but its something necessary that i have to do in order to progress in life. for me, there are things more important. in a way, i dont like it when ppl dont seem to see the bigger picture. its like they dont realise that 'this is life, get over it.' theres more to life than exams. just cos theres exams, doesnt mean the world will end. if u just treat it normally as something thats part of life, u wont be complaining so much! its annoying... all the 'fml' i see when ppl talk about having exams... seriously? this is life. everyone has to do it. unless u choose an alternative pathway. but yea.
exams arent a big deal to me anymore. and yea, im glad my exams are over so fast. so i can move on and do other things. life is life. u have to live it. might as well live it being happy, being satisfied, and not complaining so much. put in all u have to watever is before u. when its over, its over. and done.
i guess in a way what i am saying is a bit ironic. i dont know. i seem to be shooting all over the place. but i guess my point is just that there are certain things in life that u cant change. might as well make the most of it and keep moving on. no point complaining, making a bad job of it, and getting depressed afterwards. life is really what u make of it.
so yep, now i have to decide what to do since exams are over. din think of finding a job cos theres not much time for me to hold one down anyway. i dont really want to find a casual job... i want to find something i do long term and which i enjoy doing. maybe i'll get one when i come back in jan. at any rate, now im more focused on doing things i havent been able to do cos of school and stuff. i wanna watch a movie, go ktv, go shopping, go outdoors... have fun! =D and spend lots of time catching up with my friends...
have i mentioned that im changing church? mm anyway ive been going to pclc for about a month now. im really enjoying myself there... very different to fcc. but im loving it. =D its a very welcome change. i guess ive been stuck in fcc for too long. theres a lack of 'movement' in kinetic i guess. i dont know. but i like how lively and 'active' revolution seems to be. dont know if i'll be staying there long term. but i think whats for sure is that things will stay the way they are for a while. like me going revo instead of kinetic. i guess the only thing stopping me is the opinions of others. =/ but yea. making each decision as i come to it =)
i think the most impt thing right now is to be comfortable in my own skin. to recognise who i am in christ, and let that identity be who i am. its an easy thing, yet often made to seem complicated. =/ but i guess once u recognise who u are, u'll be the same person no matter what the setting is. u may change certain things, like be abit more outgoing in a more social setting, but inwardly, ur still the same. ur not 'becoming another person'. =)
learning and seeing alot more after i joined pclc i think. somehow. but loving it =D
theres more to life than this...
~Even when darkness surrounds, I will trust in YOU~
