what i really want right now is a lollipop and a nice big warm hug...
=)

hey people!

meh exams over but still have quite a few tests and stuff on... oh well. will be having human bio tests almost every fri till the end of term... and have period zeros too... ><

haha been feeling abit messed up recently. like i dont really know what im doing alr. sometimes i feel like im a little crazy. =/ i dont know leh... its like i dont really know where to go, what to do anymore. sigh. sometimes i just feel like im working too hard for nothing. well not that ive really been working super hard for my studies... but well... xD just that its like i dont really know myself. sometimes, you wonder if what ur feeling is really what you're feeling or if its just something thats induced by someone else/the surroundings. what is real and what isnt? you never really know... and i guess its kinda messing me up. i dunno. i guess im just really lazy and cant be bothered sorting things out, just letting them settle themselves. lol. but yea, i am lazy... =/

meh i really dont know luh.

hm i finally got back my econs results. lol. 81%. not bad heh. =D overall average is 80. yay. not bad for first year at econs. lol. but i think i work alot better at logical reasoning. so my econs is scoring better than my geog did last year... xD but yea. logical reasoning is totally my thing. so sciences suit me better than arts. xD i guess thats the way im wired. i think in a way, i try to make everything nice and neat and logical. i guess thats why sometimes emotions dont make sense to me. cos u simply cant take emotions and pack them into neat little packages. haha. maybe thats why sometimes i feel im abit emotionless. in that i treat everything in a logical manner and simply dont react to certain things cos i dont see the sense behind it. haha. i guess im pragmatic too... xD
lol reminds me how i took a personality again the other day. im still a INTJ... xD apparently INTJ is really rare... haha. but anyway, was reminded of the explanation of the INTJ personality. haha im more intuitive than feeling. i guess thats why i can sometimes tell whats going on without people actually telling me about it. cos i kinda just pick up the signs and put things together. lol. but yea... its a pretty cool personality if u ask me xD

hahaha ok luh. still need to study for human bio tmr...
bye ppl! =)

hey ppl!

haha im getting annoyed waiting for my photos to be uploaded... zz. my internet sooooo slow rawr. 100+ photos, taking like one hour to upload. shouldnt take so long... sigh.

anyway, i had rivercruise yesterday. basically a party on a boat. was pretty fun at first, then got abit sian... xD i dont know. i kinda went crazy taking photos hahahaha. but then my cam going to have no batt le, so i kinda stopped... xD
i dont think im really the party kinda person. i just like taking photos of people. i like taking the emotions at their purest. so yea... xD  i just think its really nice to see things spontaneously. so yea... not so many posed photos xD
most of them are really random xD
i think sometimes, its the moments that u didnt realise u had captured that really make u look back to the event and smile. xD
but yea, had some really cool photos hehe. and i had fun trying all the different setting on my cam and trying to figure out the right one to use... wasnt easy. but i think i kinda got it figured out... xD

mm got all my exam results back except for econs... some classes got theirs back alr. my teacher is sooo slow... rawr. she keeps giving excuses. like that she has 3 upper school classes... then she has alot of things to mark... but like if she doesnt finish them by this week, next wk she would have even more to mark. cos we're having tests next week... both yr 11s and 12s. rawr. annoying. bleh. then like shes always sighing in class... like its really tiring teaching us.  i know its tiring, cant she not be like that? i dont like it... meh. but oh well, what to do. and i dont see any reason for us to not go ahead of schedule. i mean seriously, whats wrong with being ahead? id rather be ahead than on time. ><

hm have a test tmr. haha. id better go and study now... xD

bye ppl! =D

hey everyone! xD

mm had a great cell discussion yest xD
we started out talking about wrong perceptions/past experiences/doubts and disbeliefs. i think the idea was to talk about things that make us lose faith. not really sure why we were asking about those things... haha. but yea... then we went round the table talking about ourselves... mm so we mentioned some stuffs, like when people die, we blame God... then like when we dont get what we want etc. then it got to someone who talked about like how when u pray for someone to get healed, and they get healed, it helps to boost your faith.

i cant really remember about how we went in that direction, but somehow we started discussing about prayer and why we pray. specifically praying for the sick. it was really interesting. mm like somehow there was one part when we started talking about why people get sick in the first place. like sin and sickness. so there were like 2 schools of thought that came up. well not everyone was involved, but the discussion was quite open i guess. mm so there were two approaches to sin and sickness. well to generalise, it was kinda 2 approaches toward sin and punishment for sin. so the first one was that God punishes sin. so like sin leads to death. God determines the way we die, but we die eventually, cos we're sinners. erm we were talking about praying for the sick... so mm he was talking about praying for the person to die and remove the person from the suffering. (this last part doesnt really make sense to me, but anyway...)
the second one focuses more on Gods treatment of sin after the death of Jesus Christ. so it is more about how our sin has been forgiven and doesnt really affect our daily life anymore. in the sense that it is not so much 'punished' anymore. like sickness isnt a 'punishment' for sin.
mm so basically it was 2 ways of looking at sin, before and after Christ died.
but the main thing that was raised was why do we pray? if we know that God ultimately is in control over our lives and whatever happens in the end is still up to God, why do we still pray if we cant really change anything?
but i think for me, praying is a way of bringing God into the picture. when things are going bad, when we feel terrible, it may seem like its all about me myself and i. but when we pray, we bring God into the picture. we remind ourselves that God is in control. we are more able to take a step back to look at things. it is no longer just me, myself and i, but it becomes me and God. it reminds us that God is sovereign. it helps us to find rest, to find peace, to stop struggling. to find strength. and thats why we should pray. thats why we should pray for the sick. by praying, we can let go of the sickness. we are more able to cope with the situation, no matter how it turns out.
i guess by saying this, im also saying that sickness is no punishment. we should not see it that way. rather, sickness is like another trial we encounter in life.

i think my cell leader raised a good point when she said that often when we are faced with someone who is sick, whether it ends in healing or in death, God is glorified.

haha the discussion was so intense, my cell leader went to call for the youth pastor to come in... xD
he helped to answer the question better i guess.
when we pray for someone who is sick, it ends in three ways. one, the person is healed. two, the person is healed only after a longgggg time. three, the person is not healed, and dies.
when we pray, and the person is healed, our faith is often strengthened. but what if the person dies.
hm my pastor quoted this scripture, where it say 'to live is christ, but to die is gain.' so death, in itself, is not really a bad thing. when a believer dies, it is a gain, because they are going to heaven! they gain from it! but of course, this raises the question, what if the person is an unbeliever?
cant really rmb exactly what my pastor said about that... but i think it was something about everyone all being together. meh cant rmb. i only remember him drawing a big circle, then two smaller circles inside, representing believers and unbelievers. cant quite remember what it meant... >< but yea... =/

eh so he also talked about our concept of healing. the way we see healing is different from the way God sees healing. oh yea i think thats also why he quoted that verse, about death being gain. so yea... kinda like saying just because a person dies, doesnt mean the person wasnt healed. =)

so yea. we should always pray for people. oh man now i kinda wish i was paying more attention. cos i can explain it to myself, but now typing it out, doesnt seem so convincing lol. aiyah anyway, i think the main idea is that we should always pray. it does make a difference. not only for the person being prayed for, but also for the person praying. yea... xD

lalalalala. long post hehe.
;D

heyyyy ppl

mm got back 3 papers today. lol first one 53(eng), second one 77(h.bio), third one 92(chem). hahaha. the range quite big... >< mm but seriously right im not really sure how to improve my english... man. rawr. i know for one that i prob dont put in enough detail into what i say... so that really costs me. sigh. some complaints as last time i guess. rawr. whyyyyyyyy >< lol one comment i got was paraphrasing, little detail, some commentary, good expression. lol. 'good expression'? i used to think my expression was really bad... looks like i have other things to work on now... sigh. ENGLISH WHY U SO HARD? >< and i dont think its as useful as AQ is for uni... meh. oh well. gotta work on it...
human bio... lol i aced one of the essays, and flunked the other one. lol. mm i think the thing is that some of the questions are abit ambiguous. like the answer isnt really like fr the textbook or stuff. like u have to really be able to connect the dots. oh well. its the first exam, so not that bad i guess.
haha chem... last paper that i got back today. quite happy with my result... but got careless mistakes >< oh well. learnt some things from the exam. which is good xD lol my teacher so slack... din even bother going through the paper... just let us check answer key by ourself. zz. but not that many problems though... but i want to have a look at my paper again. just to cement what i think ive learnt from it. xD

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mm the past few days were really fun. xD went out virtually everyday since exams ended hahahaha. city on thurs, brunch on fri + kinetic, city/ktv on sat, freo on sun, friends over on mon. heh.

mm so yesterday my friends came over. arranged to meet at 10 to buy ingredients. lolol but the guys overslept... -.- so me and michelle went to buy ingredients first. like nori, cucumber etc. then we went jon's house to wait for him... lol he woke up at like 10 and called me saying he just woke up... lol. mm then the other guys were all at his house alr, so basically we were just waiting for jon to finish bathing lol. so lame zz. like girl liddat lol. hahaha so when he was finally ready, we went to IGA again to buy roasted chicken. lol. and eggs... xD
then walked to my house... prepared the ingredients... lol there was one point of time when the girls were gaming and the guys were in the kitchen. heh. funny xD lol reminds me of that time p6 reunion bbq... then the girls were the ones cooking and the guys were like just chilling lol. hahahaha role reversal ;D pity i din take a photo xD good thing that the guys we invited were nice enough to help out in the kitchen xD hahahaha so yea... after everything was ready, we started making sushi... hahaha wasnt too bad... xD but the guys kinda fooled around... lol. but yum! xD
after that gamed abit, then went out to play. the guys went out first, me, nat and michelle stayed back to clean up and stuff. mm then went to meet them... soccer, basketball and monkey lol. mm my basketball skills gone alr... can barely shoot. plus arms no strength... >< haha i should start playing more often. xD
round 3 something we went back to my house, then gamed somemore lol.
nat stayed for dinner... her dad has been away for bout a week i think. not sure why they left nat alone, but anyway...
it was fun. haha. and the guys helped out, so thats good yay. xD but hor, the basketball wasnt shuang enough sigh. cos it wasnt really like a proper game... barely sweated at all... aiyah nvm luh xD
squadmates! bball together! =D

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mm yest i watched nat's convo with this other guy on fb... why do we like confident people? why do we want to be like them? what keeps us from being ourself?

these questions are really hard to answer. but i guess i realise that the 'confident people' we see, may really only be a shell. like they put on a 'confident' mask, so that people dont see whats really inside. but there are also people whose confidence kinda just flows from inside out. like they're not proud, but they have this quiet confidence. it kinda just attracts people to them. i dunno. but the 'confident' aura is really very attractive xD

i find that it was easier to really be myself in sg. like i can just dont care and just be myself with my friends. doesnt matter if i laugh or cry or simply go crazy. xD but here... i cant really do that. i havent fully adjusted yet. like i dont know whats the best way to present myself to the people around me. i want to be natural, yet not appearing like i try too hard or anything. dont know the culture here that well yet... sigh. i guess at the moment i'll just try to be myself as much as i can. friendly, smiling, open. xD

~~~~~~~
a friend said that i look sad when im not smiling. really? =/

hey ppl!

hahaha today went city again lol. went ktv. hahaha. there were only like two asian ppl in the whole group. including me haha. so yea, was mostly whites in the group... xD
mm so we went to grab some lunch, then went utopia for ktv... singing all english songs haha. mm of the 2 times ive gone ktv here, only once got sing abit of chinese/korean songs. hahaha waiting for when i go ktv and its all chinese songs. xD squadmates! *hint hint* ;D

mm but it was fun though xD made some new friends at the same time heh. ;D

i think tmr going fremantle... yay xD
hahaha ive been like going out virtually everyday since exams ended lol. aiyah but i guess its like study hard, play hard? not really though, i not that feng xD

i guess in alot of things, we cant just wonder how we're going to get to the point where u wanna be, but u have to like think of solutions to the problem and get moving and really get stuff done. haha i guess sometimes i have dreams in mind, but not sure how to get there... i think its time to stop thinking and get moving. haha =)

yay exams ended today! heh went city with my fren after that xD

lol wanted to sleep early today, but its like 11 alr lol. heh.

anyways, jiayou studying for bt2 guys! =)
<3

hello ppl!

yay last paper tmr heh. physics today. wasnt too bad. and lol there were questions i saw in a practice paper inside. lolol. but i made a careless mistake! rahhh. only realised when i was looking at the copy of the question later... sigh. oh well. hope it doesnt count for too much... haha

mm econs tmr... finished notes for every chapter, but havent really gone to memorise and stuff yet... need to go and do that later. haha. now is my break time heh.

mm i wanna go out after exam tmr! sigh i miss the times when a nice eating place was so easily accessible, then we could just go somewhere eat after exams... dont even need to plan or anything... and 5 mins can reach alr. haha. then we just go there eat and talk... mm hopefully someone will go out with me tmr! hahahaha. then just go somewhere chill heh.
im going to be hungry after exams! xD

mm anyway, i realised i cant. i cant let go of myself. i cant trust God, i dont even really trust myself. im too selfish, too self-seeking, too keen on self-preservation. =(
i cant, but God can.
it is no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me. i cant accomplish great things by my own strength. but by God's grace, i can. i can be able to rely on God daily. i can be able to overcome my fears. not by my strength, but through God's grace.
may God's grace be my strength. strength to overcome, strength to stand for what i believe in. =)