heyyy ppl!

exams starting next week... =/ 31oct till 9nov.
physics is first... =/

mugging so hard now. not as hard as some ppl, but still. xD whole day man. about 6 hours. mm but ive never studied at night... i dunno luh. but i use the time for other stuffs... like comp. heh xD
i cant say this is the hardest ive ever worked before though. but its the only time ive had a whole week off school before exams and just studied for the whole day. i kinda like it though. more time to plan and do things the way i want to.
mm but ive been much more slack this time... i rmb in sec 4 i started studying like 10 weeks before and started hard-core 5 weeks before... this time im like just taking it easy and only really pushing it one week before. but then again, have to look at the time im taking i guess. but yea. so far, im happy with my progress xD

hm but ive got to say, while im not studying, theres so much on my mind. life's complicated man. so many intricacies and all. life aint simple. sometimes, people make things seem so easy and simple. but its not... and the fact that they cant see it is like -.-
at any rate... i dont know whether or not its a good thing.
like everything just seems so complicated and convoluted. like theres no straight path. and all i can do is wrap my mind around it, trying to make sense, trying to find the way out. and sometimes thats all there is to it. i go round in circles, thinking and thinking. some things do have an end, but im not sure how to get there. sigh. or am i just thinking too much?
i think about what others think. i think about the consequences of my actions. i think until theres nothing left to consider. but i still cant make a decision. sigh.
sometimes, i wonder why i think so much. =/

i guess i hide alot within. and turn things over and over again in my mind. but that sometimes makes me read too much into things. sigh.
i wish everything were like a math problem. with a beginning and an end. and theres always a right answer. =x
ah well. where am i going with this? lol xD
but i think i love to think. still. heh. i guess its like personal time, where i get to know myself abit more. just me and my thoughts. xD its nice though i guess.

being alone doesnt mean being lonely.
just saying =)
sometimes, isolation is needed to really get to know yourself.
i guess im going through that right now... a period of isolation and self-discovery. =)

hey ppl

mm spent the whole day out today =D
shopping! xD
mm but i realised i need to have mood to shop one... if not i wont feel the need to buy anything. lol xD
but overall, it was a fun day. spent time with a girl that i met at a friend's birthday party at the beginning of the year. hm not much to say to each other, but had a good time though =)
bought quite abit of stuff. 2 tops, sunglasses, some accessories and nail polish base coat.
been wanting to buy a pair of shoes, but cant seem to find the right pair... or maybe im just lazy. =/ anyways, not really in a rush... but really want a pair of booties. hm... went this 2 korean fashion shops and saw shoes i fancied, but din buy them... =/ not sure if i should have. but anyway... i think koreans are the most fashionable. at any rate. japanese too i guess. xD they have such cute and nice clothes. although i think i go for more cute edgy stuff. =) like the pixie cut i got. xD

anyway, i realised i prefer girls who follow their own sense of fashion. like some girls give the feeling that they are just following the 'trends' and dressing in a way to copy other people, to kinda 'fit in' but others give the feeling that they dont care what other people think and just follow their own dress sense. they dress in a way that represents themselves. and it shows... in the way they carry themself i guess. in a way, they also dress in a way that suits them. you can tell i guess. and their personality shines through as well. and there are those that dont care at all about what they wear. they just wear anything that is wearable. its like they just wear watever.
its just intuition i guess... just a feeling u get when u see people. dont know why i just noticed it today, but yea. xD

holidays... haven been doing much studying at all! =/ and my nights are like totally unproductive. plus waking up late. it kinda just reduces the time i spend studying... havent even done half of what i planned to do. sigh. but yea... =/

~~~~~~~~

sometimes, somebody just totally throws u off guard. like for some reason, the defences u have against other people dont stand against them. and the way they are able to disarm u is kinda annoying and confusing.
its kinda weird... like it all just doesnt make sense. and i dont get it at all.
sometimes, u wanna get close to a certain person, but nothing is getting through.
i dont know. i guess im used to being the party that the other person dislikes. i just try to be myself and somehow, with time, the barriers break down. but what happens if it seems to be mutual dislike? o.O

bleargh. oh well.

anyways, hols are gonna end soon... i had better get a move on =/

if you're the only one that is standing for something and other people dont see what you see, what do you do?

i actually have all the answers, or know someone who knows all the answers... =)


Lord, i pray for this generation. i pray that this generation will just rise up in a hunger for your name. i pray for such a passion and desire to stir within their hearts. father, i pray for an awakening, a stirring. A REVIVAL. i long for it. i hunger for it. i long for the day people will value you above all else. i long for the day where acceptance will thrive and love surrounds all people. i long for the day where people around me all encourage one another and not judge each other. Lord, rain down. release everything that is being held in. i cant put words to it. its not just your spirit and your anointing and your love. but something more. 


i believe, you will come, like the rain
i believe you will come like the rain.


Lord...
rain down. rain down.


Jesus.

hello ppl!

whoo post-exam holiday life is really kinda crazy... lolol.
was out virtually the whole day today... went a friends house for lunch, then sent that friend to the airport. after that, went a friends house to chill for awhile, then went for bball! xD and dinner after that. heh.
ohoh and supper with the family! xD <333

hm guess i was kinda pushed out of my comfort zone? hanging with ppl i dont normally spend alot of time with. so yea... xD and bball was like with 7 other guys... =/ but yea, i dont really mind luh. but i need to be careful...
and guys are such horny ppl. -.-

but yea. in general, i figure that guys are much funner ppl to hang out with. went yum cha with 3 other guys just last fri. then sat at this bubble tea place waiting for another girl to come. then we went this mind-cafe inspired place. like we went in, then me and the other girl was like this reminds us of mind cafe. the one near bugis there. and the person knew what we were talking about heh. played for about 1hr only... cos we had to go somewhere after that... but yea. was fun. =D except that i absolutely fail at games that require a fast reflex. that includes sport. =/ oh well. but yea xD definitely going back heh. =D

just one thing though i guess. whats with the drinking culture here? its something that i will never get...
the other day, at the bubble tea place (utopia) we started talking about drinking for some reason. then my friend asked me, have u drunk before? and i was like no... and she was like "so innocent!" -.-
not like i havent tasted alcohol before. but really drinking? nah...
i guess the whole point is that there is a much lesser drinking culture in sg than there is here. and theres no time for parties and stuff in sg anyway. not really, and at least not among the crowd that i hang with. so innocent? i dont think so. been to a party with drinks before. if i wanted to, i could have. but i din. so its not so much innocence than restraint. although i have to admit im alot less exposed to things like this than most other ppl who've grown up in this kinda environment. so yea. i dont really know what to say. except that drinking doesnt make someone any worse than someone that doesnt drink.
i guess my only real objection against drinking is that it can be degrading. like u can just lose urself and do silly things. so yea. i dont really know. like people say, everything in moderation. and i think some people need to try it to really know how bad it can get, before knowing when to stop next time. i guess if i ever really drink, i'll make sure my first time is with people i really trust. and not just random ppl. u never know what can happen. in the meantime, i'll protect myself and keep away from alcohol as much as possible. =/

hm anyway... sometimes i really dont know if im doing the right thing or not. like today... by the end of it, it was me and 3 other guys. =/ life. so hard making decisions sometimes. sometimes its like just go with the flow. but then again... =/
its hard to express. but sometimes u feel like ur just tied in a knot and its easier to go the path of least resistance. but then again, u want to do the right thing. and the path of least resistance doesnt seem to be the path of least resistance. i really dont know man. sigh. =/

the only thing i can really do, is to trust God. thats the only way. God is always in control, no matter ur circumstance. and u can trust God to lead u on the right path.
i think for me right now, its not to throw away negative emotions and worry, but to lay it all down at Jesus' feet. and let God lead. =)

you lead, and i follow.