hello ppl!

haha i feel like im posting alot recently lol. even though its the exam period. hahahaha

mm just spent like the past 3 days studying like crazy lol. whole day spent hitting the books. =/
its tiring xD but i guess im still ok, can still go on luh. but brain really abit dead now. and i realise if u wanna do theory stuff, really cannot do it in group study. cannot get much done. esp if ppl keep asking u questions haha. meh i really need to spend more time at home doing all the theory work. haha. rawr but i have like study sessions planned for the next 2 days before my exams...>< maybe i wont go library on mon then. see whether or not i can finish haha.

mm i think i mention before alr right? i have human bio, physics then econs... econs left one chapter, physics left a few sections, human bio has the most theory left. >< but cos like i wanna focus more on practising for physics, so need to finish today... =/ human bio still have time i guess... though not much... haha. but anyways. brain abit dead alr hahaha. too much xD i guess i shld sleep earlier today. to help myself rmb what ive done xD

cell yesterday was really good. like really really good. i learnt alot.
we were talking about our beliefs. how everything that goes on in our minds comes down to one core belief. my cell leader gave the example of if lets say we were trying on something at a shop, then someone walking past looks at u and gives an ugly stare. what would our reaction be? and between the trigger (ugly stare) and the reaction, theres the thought process. if our reaction was to throw the item away and not buy it, what thoughts went through our mind? probably something like "i look ugly in this" "i dont deserve to buy this" "im fat" etc. but what leads to this kind of thought process? what is the core belief under this? "im not good enough"? but what if it were the opposite? like u ignore the ugly stare and just buy the item cos u think u look good in it? then the core belief would probably be something like "i believe in myself"? self confidence?
what happens if we link this back to our beliefs about God? if we believe God is able, God is good, we would trust him even in the darkest circumstances. our reaction would be to trust him instead of maybe blaming him.
what our core beliefs really affect who we are and how we behave. so to change, we need to start changing our core beliefs. but how do we reinforce positive core beliefs? i guess one way is to keep repeating it to urself till u believe it. or, we could look to smth that would tell u that u are worth it. the BIBLE. God's word always tells us that we are worth it. we are fearfully and wonderfully made. God loves us beyond measure. by referring to these truths, we can help to reinforce a positive self image.
but to let the changes take place, to let God move, we need to stop boxing God in. too many times we limit God. we dont trust God. but if we let God out of the box, if we stop limiting God, God can take our hand and show us the world. the stars and the universe. there is no end to what can be done, as long as we let God do it. God can really only move as much as we let him. =)
i think this really applies to me as well... like i struggle alot sometimes. i struggle with trying to make the right decision, but sometimes i still make mistakes. but i guess i realise now that its ok. God is in control. and no matter what decisions i make, at the end of the day, God is the one in control. he will still lead me to his purpose for me. and because of that, i can let go and let God. i need to stop holding onto myself and hold on to the promises of God.
its no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me...

=)

hello ppl!

yay finished my exams for this wk xD english, math and chem. next wk have 3 more. human bio, physics and econs. haha. i have 5 days off in between yay. so i can spend the whole day studying... lol. but yea. i can study for the whole day heh. going library on sat. not sure if i will tmr leh. i think tmr im gonna focus on making notes for physics and econs... i guess going library means that i can focus better bah. cos at home can just get up and move around when u feel like it. but library cannot. hm... will go either state or riverton library. haha i guess in a way im tired of staying at home all the time lol. but home is also a good place to study xD hahaha see how. yest i spent 4 hours studying xD for chem. lol. anyway, im glad exams are over for this wk. ;D

hm time to change my blogskin no? haha. i kinda have time lol. maybe i will.

so many things are going through my mind. but sometimes, i dont know what to put into action and what not to. sigh. sometimes, holding back can be very tiring. but taking initiative all the time is tiring too. lol. sometimes ur like aiyah watever give up. lol. but yea... xD

haha ok luh bye ppl! =)

hey ppl!

just a short post before exams start tmr... xD

mm realised i cant. i cant, but God can. =)
i need to learn to let go. to let God take charge. i need to let myself go in a way. i cant do everything. in fact, i cant do anything without God. so i guess like even this time for exams, im gonna trust God for it. i need to really let go. its kinda hard, cos i know im sooo not prepared for my exams. >< so trusting God feels like a even bigger step of faith this time. its not the "i dont care anymore" attitude... instead, its the "ive done what i can, now God will take care of the rest" attitude. mm not easy... ><
i guess maybe in a way i have high expectations of myself. yet im realistic. i know when i cant reach a goal... but i guess now God is like saying trust me to help u achieve ur dreams. like even getting an atar of 99. its so hard... >< but i know that through God, all things are possible. its like instead of lowering my expectations, keep it high and let God show me how much he can do in my life. =) knowing that i cant accomplish it in my own strength.

i guess, in a way, i really dont like relying on others. simply cos sometimes, when u rely on ppl, its like u owe them something. and i dont like that. i dont share my emotions easily, simply cos i dont trust people with them. maybe also cos it feels like a weakness. =/ i prefer to keep it to myself. i prefer to handle it myself. i guess, in a way, i try to keep myself together. sometimes, when i know that i cant handle it, i simply let go. i dont care anymore. but thats not really the right attitude. i cant just let go cos i cant handle it. but i need to let God handle it for me. i cant, but God can. =)

so for the exams, im gonna do what i can, and let God take care of the rest. and honour God above all else. =)

brr its so cold now... >< was literally shivering while showering yest... >< bleh. but well, thats winter for u i guess... xD my hands are freezing. esp my right hand lol. just turned on the heating in my house... haha

mm dont think im going back le... cos there are 2 camps during the school hols... one at the beginning, one near the end. hm... maybe i should go back for like 7 days? sigh. dont know la. guess i'll ask my parents about it first. but just 7 days... might as well go back for longer next time... =/

haha see how la. will keep yall updated =)
bye! =)

heys ppl!

mm abit tired and fed up now. haha. bleh.

have another 3 hour session on sun. had 1 each wk for the past 2 weeks. one for human bio, one for chem. actually it really is a privilege to be able to attend. but hor, its tiring... sigh. and tmr theres this info session by melbourne uni... shld i go? i signed up alr, but abit sian to go now... haha i feel ridiculous complaining about this >< rawr.

anyway, today i went to play at the playground near my house xD. was walking home from piano, then just felt like going on the swing. heh. so i did. xD i guess i kinda was too strung up after my lesson, so i went to swing to relax abit... hehehe. soooo long never play swing alr! xD heh. it was fun. and i was more relaxed after that xD hehe maybe i'll do that everytime after piano. or just on random days. since it is very near my house... mm anyway, my piano teacher is really hardcore. haha. really pushed me haha. so yea... i guess i'll get used to it luh. hahahaha.

bleh been quite tired recently. rawr. sometimes, just really tired of this life of struggling. in studies, in relationships, personal life... oh well.
through you, i can do anything, i can do all things,
NOTHING is impossible. 
=)

hello ppl!

mm hillsong oneday conference today. super cool man. it was so great la. could really feel God in that place. loved it. well the experience la. heh. just loved worshipping God tgt with all his ppl. the collective voice is just so awesome. totally rocks. ahhh. if only everyday were like that. just standing in Gods presence, together with all his people, just lifting our voice to him, our hands, our hearts, our lives. felt so free. like u ignore everyone beside u and just worship, yet at the same time aware of others around u. i think one of the guys on stage said it very well. dont get so lost in the moment that u forget wat is going on. there can be a gazillion such moments in life. where u feel the presence of God so strong and like just stirring in ur heart. could dwell in it forever. but u just noe that u have to move on. and i guess its very true bah. like dont get stuck in one particular moment. but always move on, taking the memories of that moment with u into another moment. =)

hm almost a once in a lifetime experience. really. ahhhh. i want to bring that into kinetic. the sense that ur worshipping God and no one else. that no one is inhibiting u, its just u and God. if everytime worship could be like that... woah. everything would really change. seriously.
worshipping in spirit and truth...


hm yea. thats all for now guys. need to sleep... waking up tmr to study for a h.bio test... >< haha if i study now i wont absorb anything. so yea... xD
bye~ =D

posting alot recently... i guess i just dont wanna do work. sigh.

sometimes life feels so pointless. like everyday is a struggle, why cant things just be simpler? rawr. waiting for the day i dont have to fight every single day. sigh. it can get so tiring! >< but i guess i really need to rely on God's strength. and his grace.
mm today just attended this conference. talking about the relationship between Israel and the church. and how we're kinda waiting for the gospel to travel full circle, for the Israel church to rise up. and then Christ will come. =D the gospel started among the jews, and it will end there. and all the jews will be saved. i think the message is really impacting. its like how the hearts of the jews are purposely hardened, so that the gospel will travel to the nations. and then, it will go back again. just think of it. God could choose to save only his chosen people, but he views everyone as one and the same. so we, the non-jews, also have a chance to be saved. coolios. xD mm then there was a part about grace. cos like the kingdom of God is based on the law. and when Jesus is king, it will also be ruled by law. except, the standard is higher. and we cant reach it... but by God's grace, we will be able to meet God's standards and enter the kingdom.
i really need God's grace now. to help me make decisions, to help me do the right things.

haiz. life is a daily struggle. thank god for grace that leads me through. =)

hey ppl!

haha school started yesterday. then tmr weekend again... xD

anyway, got my leavers jumper yesterday. heh. quite nice. but the pockets abit weird. then some ppl din get theirs for some reason... yea. hahaha i cut my hair too! xD hohoho. short hair now~ ^^ lol apparently i look more like my mom now that my hair is short... hahaha. had it cut concave. just trying it out la. the fringe abit short leh. but ok la. looks quite good. maybe i will post a photo soon.

heh i think im gonna go back in july! gonna bunk at nat's house if i do. yay. =D then we can go school and stuff together. oh no but i need a phone no! >< haha maybe i'll just use my sis one or smth. im pretty sure mine has expired alr... bleh. but yay! going back! the only thing is that im not gonna do any hw... >< dont think im gonna stay that long. cos school ends on the 8th, then theres winter camp fr 8-11, so i think i'll be going back after that... maybe 13/14 i guess? lol my mom is like take SIA. xD i dont think my family is going back... so i'll be taking the plane myself whoo! xD

hehehe tired. mm been telling myself not to complain, to be positive. its hard. and im feeling abit down... haha maybe im just strained. but through God, all things are possible! and he gives just enough strength for each new day! =) i'll make it. =)

hahaha should be sleeping now... hahaha.
ok bye guys! =)

hello ppl!

hahaha yest i stayed over at a friends house xD. decided on the spot lol. cos we went out for her birthday dinner, then after that we went to her house to play. then cos there was another girl alr staying over, then my mom was like why dont u just stay over too, then my friends mom was also ok with it, so yea... xD lol if not i would have ended up going home with 4 other guys. again lol. last time was after going out for lunch, then need transport home. cos theres this guy who can drive alr. so yea... we take advantage of that fact lol. xD haha been in his car a few times. he speeds. xD but aiyah, its a guy, what do u expect? xD mm anyway it was kinda easier for him cos in malaysia u can get ur license earlier. like when ur 15 or smth. so come here he had to take the practical driving assessment, then on Ps alr. but actually thats more than if ur license is from sg. cos sg license can just convert, dunnid take more tests. but still, he's the first one to be able to drive on his own. the rest of us either first or second phase learner. xD but yea. so convenient la, got car... xD
haha anyway, stayed up till 4.45am watching movies. watched pck and mari. super nice ahahaha. lol then i woke up at 9 plus. but my friends still sleeping, so i also continue sleeping lo. finally got up at about 11.30. hahahaha. yea... ate lunch, went home, showered, went for driving lesson, then now im here. haha. yep. looks like im pretty good at sleeping late and waking up at a good time. xD

mm. driving test next week. >< dunno whether i can or not. bleh. feel like im not prepared enough leh. but i guess u cant really be prepared enough for the driving test... haha. like how u cant be really prepared for exams. hm. xD

mm u know after watching the video of the girl, my friends told me about how in on of barack obama's speeches, theres one part where when u play it backwards, it becomes 'serve satan' o.O and its not like he is just saying that portion as part of the speech, but he actually paused and repeated the same thing. so its like he was purposely saying it. scary... and like if u take lady gaga's songs and many other singers, u can find messages hidden inside when played backwards. hm satan was the angel in charge of music before he was banished to hell, and now he's using the music on earth to corrupt humans... its so scary man. im so gonna clean up my music list. although most of my songs are christian anyway... xD
http://www.amiright.com/music-trivia/backwards-messages/

haha somehow i have the guys here complaining that im too 'man' alr. LOL. whats with that man. hahahahahaha. i find it quite ridiculous. lol. i guess last time in nanyang not so bad. cos all girls anyway. lol. i guess when there are also guys around, it makes it more obvious? and it got worse? i dunno. i dont really care. i like being a little more 'man' anyway. xD but hm, maybe i should quickly go and get a bf so ppl wont think im too 'man' xD

hehehehehe. ok thats all ppl ;D

hey ppl.

mm just watched this video.
http://www.testimoniesofheavenandhell.com/2011/03/angelica-zambrano-was-shown-the-kingdoms-of-heaven-and-hell-and-the-return-of-christ/
in a way i guess its abit unbelievable. but the thing is this is not the only example. there are quite a few instances where people die, are taken to heaven/hell/both, and come back to tell of their experience. and the things they see are about the same. they dont say things that are different, but instead describe things that are quite similair. like the singing flowers. but i think what really struck me was the fact that christians arent doing enough on earth now. im not doing enough to proclaim God's name on earth. he gave so much for us. he died on the cross to save us, yet every second, there are dozens of people being sent into hell. he died not to condemn, but out of love, to save us. there is more to life than what we can see. there is more to life than perceived opposition. and it is time to take action. Christ is returning, and that is a fact. we do not know when or where or to who, but we know that he is coming. and because of that, we cant sit on our laurels. we have to take action. Christ's tears are my tears. his yoke is my yoke. his burden is my burden.
but im scared. i dont trust myself to have the strength to proclaim God's name without fear. i dont trust myself to be able to lead others to Christ. i dont know how.
but if i only had 30 days to live, what would i do? in fact, to say i have 30 days to live is already an overstatement. what if i only had 24 hours to live? what would i do then? there is not enough time. the rest of my life here on earth is like i only have 24 hours to live. what would i do then? how am i going to live my life to the fullest? how am i going to make sure that the people important to me hear the gospel? how am i going to make sure that they do not go to hell? hell is real and people are going there right now at this moment, being tormented for eternity, when they could be spending eternity in heaven, living on a feast, living richly. but yet... they are in hell. suffering.
i cant let this happen. people are walking towards hell, and i can do something to stop them, to send them on the journey to heaven instead. and i will take the first step today. =)