heyyy everyone!

hahaha im back xD
just finished my mocks on tues... xD english was just normal luh. feel like i screwed up the compo =/ physics was hard, math was kinda worse, human bio was ok, kinda hard, chem was alright. lol. i reckon chem was the easiest... xD lol. but yea... xD just kinda glad that mocks are over now. can take a slight breather before starting a holiday study plan...

to be honest i din even really do much for this exams... most of the stuff i ended up cramming last minute. lol. not the best idea, and the first time im actually cramming cramming, but still ok i guess... i know i wont do too badly. xD but i guess in a way it means i have more stamina to study for wace exams... i dont really know. but well, its over and done, so yay! xD

now i need to plan my study timetable for the hols. i have to... or else i'll end up wasting time and everything. =/ im super disorganized unless i plan properly... lol xD but yea, i have 2 weeks break from now, then one week of school, and one more week study break, and then exams! for 2 weeks... finish on wed of the second week, yay! 9 nov. can work/play/watever after that. xD but thats till then... now must focus on studies first xD

i realised that unless i plan to do smth, i'll end up not doing it and all. =/ and wait till i finish other stuff before doing it. which is not the best idea, considering sometimes there are deadlines to be met. sigh. but oh well, i still get everything done in the end xD

anyway, on a more spiritual level...
i guess im more settled now. like not so worried, not so fustrated and all. i guess i came to a few realisations.
1: God loves me
2: The past has no hold on me
3: God is in control, always.
yea... xD
im thinking of changing church now actually. started going to another one, and it really did something in me. and yea... =)
but for now, i need to spend more time with God. spend more time in his presence. just drinking, and ignoring all else. to grow in the spirit. =)

and i, i'm desperate for you

sometimes... u just dont know if what someone is telling u is the truth or not. sometimes, if u are to say that someone is telling the truth, its saying that someone else is lying. what if both these ppl are more or less close friends? then who is the one lying? who is the one telling the truth? what if both think they are telling the truth? what if both are lying? theres just no way of knowing. ><
trust. how to trust someone if u never know if that person is telling the truth?
rawr. not the first time this is happening to me. i feel like just distancing myself from it all. whats the point of involving myself? rawr.
rumours. gossip. what to do if u just get caught in it? rawr.
conflicting messages. what to believe?
or do u just not trust anyone?
much of what we think, what we know is based on what others tell us, what we see, and sometimes, what we overhear. but there is always the tendency to jump to conclusions. im guilty of that. wont try denying it...
but how do u try to be urself, try to be someone that is true, when all u hear and see are lies and deception?
what do u do? =/