do u know what it feels like to have people telling u all about things that they are frustrated about, things u know about as well, yet u feel so helpless to help, to change anything? its like u feel strongly about it, yet u find urself being unable to do anything about it. the other person has the strength to leave and to do smth about it, yet i find myself just accepting it. what is this. i really dont know anymore. it just feels unacceptable. but i dont know what to do about it! sigh.
things in church. things people are doing. things that i am not oblivious to. yet i find myself just tolerating things. just accepting things. hoping that things will get better. but things have not changed. at all. and now, i see the consequences. how? i dont know.
i just think that the problem is not just with the cell people. even the leaders are like not doing anything about it. i just think that there are so many problems, that not everything can be dealt with.
change. what exactly does it mean? what can we do to make things change?
to be an agent of change. what does it mean?

ive always been a more temperate person. i dont like to take hard action. but maybe its time i did. and stood up more firmly for myself.
still, there are a dozen question marks and uncertainties running through my mind.
i go for christian education. why? i asked myself that too. its just that fcc doesnt seem to be doing anything good for me. its not helping me to grow. its not providing an environment i can flourish in. at times like this, i just miss DI. i miss the sisterhood, the brotherhood. the friendships, the encouragement, the LOVE. sigh. from the first time i entered kinetic, i knew it was lacking. but i sorta just grew into it. was i doing wrong by doing that? i really dont know.
need to pray more, cry out more.
pray until something happens. =)